nutcase equanimity

If you have engaged me in a religious debate, you have most likely provoked me to give my "how do you know that I am not God?" response. In Colloquy, an online discussion group, Dave Butcher of Seattle did a better job at this when the group was discussing why god would allow hurricane Katrina to hurt so many staunch believers.

I guess that’s a matter of opinion.  I find it very unsatisfying to contemplate a God who could easily prevent natural disasters, but doesn’t.  And I find it very difficult to reconcile the explanation for this, i.e. that the reason he allows disasters is because he respects free will too much to intervene, with the only credentials we have for him, namely the Bible, which is filled with stories of him going out of his way to intervene in human affairs, compelling people to do what he wants (e.g. Jonah), and circumventing natural laws.

The "free-will" explanation also seems to contradict the basic reason for prayer, which is essentially a request for God to intervene.

That is a wonderful example.  There are other examples in the Old Testament, where Jehovah proves that he is greater than other gods by having contests with them.  He wins most of them (e.g. against Pharaoh’s priests, and against Baal), but he’s not undefeated.  For example, in Second Kings Chapter 3, the Israelites invaded Moab, and were winning their battles, as God’s prophet Elisha had promised, until the king of the Moabites sacrificed his son to his god, Chemosh. Then "there came great wrath upon Israel, and they withdrew from him and returned to their own land."  Apparently the sacrifice of one’s son is very powerful magic.

I would like to know how people could distinguish me from God, if they hold me to no higher standard than they use for the God of the Bible.

Suppose I told you that I am God, but through a mystery that is beyond your comprehension, I can still be injured, or even killed, and I will not defend myself against those who seek to harm me.  Everything good that happens is an example of my power and kindness, and everything bad that happens is the consequence of my allowing free will, or perhaps allowing Satan to test people.   You are encouraged to pray to me, but I will not answer you directly.  You will know the answer is yes if what you pray for happens, and you will know the answer is no if it doesn’t, although you must not give up too soon.  If I decide to grant you success, it is understood that you must still work very hard to achieve it.  I reserve the right to make something unexpected happen, which can later be interpreted as an answer.  I can grant any request, but I will do so only if it fits in with my master plan, which is beyond your ability to understand.  In particular, any request for an immediate and tangible demonstration, no matter how small, will turned away with admonitions against "tempting" me, or making me jump through hoops for you.  This also explains why I can promise you that if you believe in me, you will be granted miraculous powers, but if you try to actually use these powers, they will be miraculously withdrawn.  If you need further proof, I can direct you to a book, written by my followers, that says I am God, and describes several miracles I have performed.  If you need proof beyond that, it is coming very soon, and will be spectacular, but I will not give you a definite date or time.  However, if you wait for that proof, it will be too late.  I should also add that there will be a terrible punishment for those who do not believe in me, and a great reward for those who do.

I think that covers it.  In all seriousness, can you explain how you know that I am not God?

Best,
Dave B.

Surf, bonfire, surf, Joshua Tree, conspiracy, shop, concert, snorkel, eat, surf, radiologist.

That was my trip to San Diego to visit my friend Dan. 

ARRIVE. SURF.
Thursday, August 11, I took the first flight from DCA to SAN.  Kuz picked me up, drove to his joint, dropped our junk, and went to water-walking.  What a difference than surfing in Ocean City, MD! The waves in CA were much longer and stronger and the sets were actually discernable.  You could ride each wave for so long that you needed to pack a lunch.  Dan and I surfed until nightfall before we rolled up to a random bonfire and made a whole pack of friends. If this is life out there, I have to move from the surly bonds of DC.

JOSHUA TREE
Friday we went to Joshua Tree National Park. It’s been years since Dan and I almost died in the high desert of Big Bend, TX, so we decided to give it another go.

On our way we stopped by three different towns with "springs" in their name, hoping to find a hot springs to get into. Each stop was a different adventure.

1. The first place had a massive film studio for Scientologists.  We tried to get a tour but were turned away (probably a smart move on their part).
2. At the next place, we were approached by a couple guys hawking new stereo equipment from the back of their van. We pretended to go along and then sting them by telling them that I was a Special Agent in the domestic fraud unit of the Department of Homeland Security, but these two didn’t budge.   Too tough to bluff, I guess.  So Dan and I went to some Christian retreat where we told them that we were there to find our new Christian faiths. That got us in.  We walked around dragging our jaws at the hot women there signing the refrain from Morning Train by Peter, Paul, & Mary, "Sister Mary wore three links of chain, on each one was my Jesus name" when we should have been singing the part "all my sins been taken away, taken away".  "Good job god!" We then stole pizza from the cafeteria.
3. We rolled into a desert town and found a pricy spa hotel.  In regular traveling form, D & I stepped into the joint like we were supposed to be there and strutted around until we found the elusive pools. We sweated it out for a bit before sunbathing, showering, and then stealing a couple towels.  No employee really questioned us.  Sometimes apathy can be your ally.
   We got our ass to Joshua Tree, drove around, did some push-ups, got to the outlook, and hiked up to a hilltop to watch the sun set.  We  watched the smog from LA turn colors as it sat still over the San Andreas Fault. Hiked down, setup camp, snoozed, climbed a rock for the sunrise, and then made our way back to civilization. 

CONSPIRACY
Saturday we got back to San Diego with enough time to attend a conspiracy presentation about how the US government collapsed the WTC during 9-11 and used the planes as a convenient cover. Neat!  There is also a theory about how the US government is planning on reports of nuclear weapons to justify the next invasion.  However, no one talked about why the government would do such a thing. Oh well.  Dan and I gorged on the free food.

SHOP
Then we went on a search for pants and shoes for me.  In my regular shopping form, I decided I had enough pants and then took an hour to decide between two pairs of shoes since I had to consider each of their versatility and connotation.

CONCERT
Afterwards, we called the ladies from Friday and planned to meet them at a concert that night. D & I rolled to the venue Fourth & B to check things out.  I went around back and met up with the bands and hung out for a bit. I returned to Dan like a big rooster, "1-2-3-4-5-6 tickets! Free."  "Great job, Josh" he responded, "all tickets are free tonight."  So I buried my shame in an eating binge with Dan throughout the Gas Lamp quarter.

The concert was ok.  Each band was a bit crunchy; many hippies. The lead singer of Al Howard & the K23 Orchestra jazz band spoke faster than a southern auctioneer and got applause not because anyone could understand him but because he ended each staccato verse with rallying stop-words such as "you corporate devils!" In a venue that smells more dirty hippy than patchouli oil, putting a fist in the air and ending with anything anti-establishment is applaudable. But when you think about all the commerce going on at the event, including the merchandising by said band, its more laughable than laudable. Dan and I skipped out on the last few jam bands and went home to sleep.

SNORKEL
So we went to La Jolla. I’ve never been snorkeling and D is all about spear fishing. Of course, putting us both together is only trouble. We dove around the area chasing fish as if we could catch them. We even tried to grab a shark but that punk got away.

EAT
After all that swimming we were famished.  We found the only buffet and got at it. It was a $50 per person gig, but we were in it.  The food was top-shelf: crab legs, shrimp, sushi, oysters, champagne, etc. We  ate like teenagers. We were dressed like teenagers while everyone else was in their Sunday best.  We got a few stares, but they were inviting smiles from some tight upper-crusty hunnies wondering who these disheveled miscreants may be.

SURF
More water walking.  The waves were big.  I got clobbered a couple times and dented my board with my head. Paddling out over waves was quite disturbing to my rib that I separated the week earlier.

RADIOLOGIST
We made a day of doctors visits and putting up a shelf in D’s garage. We had dinner with a down-a$$ chick who couldn’t belch, but did like to show her tongue.

RETURN
Got to the airport to catch an hour of sleep but it never happened because a certain Ms wanted to bitch about some I-don’t-know-what. I listened for a bit while I sat back.

I got on the plane to catch a few more hours of sleep but was the lucky recipient of a seat next to the crying baby screaming for her mom.  I turned to the woman next to me and said, "do you know where her mother is?" to which I got an angry, "I AM HER MOM." Woah. Then grab some control of your heifer, b!o+c#.

I landed at IAD and I took a Metro Bus to the Metro and got to work in time to hide my surfboard and bag on the balcony overlooking the Pentagon. At that moment I got a call from my boss who told me to immediately report to 3 sequential days of 8-hour meetings. I now like coffee.